Forgiveness, something I need to ask for more often...

My oldest child, Ellie, is a strong-willed, leader.  She is so much like her daddy, and at times so much like me when I was little.  She loves to take care of people, which is I believe could be one of her spiritual gifts.  Ever since she was a toddler, she was taking care of her baby dolls.  I know Owen thinks of her as a second mommy, because she is so motherly with him.  I am so thankful for my sweet Ellie, and I wanted to document this story so I never forget it.

The morning started out like most, filling bowls of cereal, changing clothes, cleaning up spilt chocolate milk, starting a load of laundry, getting backpacks together, finding socks to wear, brushing teeth, cleaning up another milk spill, etc. You get my point, right?  The mornings are rarely peaceful times around our home, and usually Ellie is a morning person, but this particular morning she was very cranky.  Let me repeat, VERY CRANKY.

She couldn't decide what to wear to school, which set her back with fixing her hair.  When it was time to fix her hair, she wanted it curled, but I told her we did not have time since she took so long getting dressed.  This all escalates to tears and screaming.  A lovely way to start the day, right?  My blood pressure rises easily with Ellie.  I don't know what it is, but my fuse is short with her often.  It's something I pray about regularly.   I'm not proud of it,  and on this morning especially, God used her to humble me.  Keep reading.

Everything continued to be a struggle that morning.  Her hair would not cooperate, then she couldn't decide what she wanted to eat for breakfast.  This all just eats up the time before we have to head to the bus stop.  You've been here, right?  If you have kids, you know these mornings.  They often happen on Sundays. Ha. Now your with me.

We somehow managed to make it out the back door with everything she needed for school.  She buckled Owen in the stroller, and the twins got on their bikes.  We were ready for the trek to the bus stop.  I was feeling some relief, knowing we were on our way, and that she had made it out the door without tears.

As we started walking, Ellie said, "Mom, I'm sorry for the way I acted this morning.  Will you forgive me?"  I'm not sure my brain registered what she said right away.  I was a little taken aback.  She asked me to forgive her?  My little girl, was seeking forgiveness.  Right away I accepted her apology and proceeded to ask her to forgive me for being short with her, and losing my temper.  Moments like these are great ways to teach my kids about the Gospel and grace.  I did my best to remind her that we are not perfect, and Christ died for us, being the sinful people we are.  I did my best, trying to remember some of the things I read in, Give Them Grace. (A great, great book about disciplining with grace in mind, not just moralistic parenting.  I highly recommend it.)

I don't want to ever forget that morning.  It was humbling.  I should have been the one apologizing first.  I'm the adult, right?  We continued talking, and I confessed to her that I do not apologize like I should.  I told her I struggle with pride, and she said, "Yeah, Daddy apologizes more than you do."  Those words pierced me.  I know they are true, and confessing my wrongs to those around me is hard to do.  It comes easier for Tom, and he has taught me so much about seeking forgiveness.  I am so grateful that my kids have a Daddy that teaches them how to seek forgiveness, and demonstrates that openly with me and them.

I tell this story, like I said, so I will never forget it.  I am so thankful to God for my children, and the blessing they are to my life, especially mornings like this one in particular.  I get so excited seeing God at work in the lives of my kids.  I also love how he uses them to teach me.  Weird, right? Seems backwards, but God knew I needed the humbling from my pride.  I am so thankful for Christ, and his redeeming blood.  He made a way for me.  Thank you, Lord.









Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. -Ephesians 4:32

Grace Like Baths

Ellie took this pic.  She gave her a make-over and then had her pose. Ha!

As most of you know, we are living with my grandparents and are assisting them, when needed, around the house.  This past week, Granny was starting to look a little distraught, and I knew she hadn't had a bath in a while, so I just suggested we head to the bathroom to clean up.  I know I always feel ten times better after I have a shower, so I knew it would lift her spirits.  Grandad does his best to help her clean up, but it's not easy for him, so she doesn't get the privilege of taking baths very often.

We made it to the bathroom, and eventually to the seat in the bathtub.  I started showering her off, and she loved every minute of it.  She kept saying how good it felt.  It was a sweet time for me.  It was a role reversal.  I remember she used to be the one filling my bathtub, cleaning me off.  She still has the same bath toys on the side of the tub that I used to play with.  It seems like it was only yesterday really.  I thought about how she used to care for me, and now I am the one caring for her.

 It's like grace and the love God has for His children.  God showed His love for us by sending Jesus, and because of what He did on the cross for me I want to share that love with others.  The bath is coming full circle.  Granny did for me, and now I do for her.  Christ died for me, and I should die to self to live for Him.  It was a much needed reminder, and I love how God uses the everyday things, like baths to remind me of the grace He poured out on the cross. 

God also uses these sweet, tender moments to reassure me that living here is a part of His plan.  I can get so frustrated, and become so selfish, wanting my own place, that my mind gets clouded.  It's really very similar to a child pouting.  I start feeling sorry for myself.  It's so silly really, and I am so thankful God gives me these times to bring me back to reality.  This life is not about me.  I am not in control of it anyway, no matter how hard I try to control all my circumstances.  When my heart and mind are focused on Christ, all my petty wants don't seem to matter.  Christ should always be my heart's cry.  Maybe I need to give Granny a bath everyday.

Out of the mouths of babes...

Well, I haven't blogged in a while, and my little ones have been saying some remarkable things.  I thought I need to document some of these so I don't forget.  Kids often surprise us in the words that come out of their mouths.  Most of the time, they are blatantly honest.

This was a crazy car moment.  We have plenty of these moments as well! Ha!

The car is one place where our kids talk, and talk, and talk, and talk.  Did I mention they talk in the car?    We don't have a DVD player to entertain them while driving, so we often have great conversations.  Yesterday was one of those days.

It was Harry, Silas, Owen, and me.  As most of you know, Owen does most of the listening, so this conversation was between Silas, Harry, and me.  Their great-grandad Harry had just bought them Happy Meals, which is a treat around our house.  Grandad was not in the car with us, but he was the topic of conversation.  Those of you who know my grandad will appreciate this.

Me: "You know what you should tell Grandad for getting the happy meals for you?"

Harry:"Yes, we should tell him thank you."

Silas: " Ya, we should do that.  He is so nice.  I love Grandad.  I'm probably gonna cry when he dies."

It was a moment I wish I could have recorded.  Silas meant what he said with all his heart.  The love my little boy has in his heart is immense.  It amazes me how children think.

We continued to discuss how the toy in the happy meal would only be fun for a while, and then they would want a new toy.  I reminded them that our joy does not come from stuff, but from God.  The conversation was starting to get deep. Ha! I don't remember everything I said, but I do remember this...

Silas: " Well, we can't see God, but I still love him, and I know he exists."

I reaffirmed what he said, and talked about how we can see God through creation, etc.  I was just blown away by him using the word "exists." It was a great reminder to me also.  I love how the Holy Spirit uses moments like these to remind me that He is in control, and to remind me of the grace I have been freely given.

 I can see God working in the hearts of my kids.  I love it.  I love my kids bonding with their great-grandparents.  I love car conversations.

Thy not My

The past month has been filled with lots of emotions.  Moving is stressful enough, but on top of that, we have moved in with my grandparents, who require some assistance.  The first week we were here I spent taking Grandad to urgent care, taking Granny to the ER, and taking care of my sick husband.  Oh, and yes, I was also taking care of a few sick children.  I thought I might lose my mind.  Grandad ended up in the hospital with pneumonia, and Tom was sick up until he started his new job.  It was definitely a sick house, and I played nurse to the best of my ability.  So many times, my will and my agenda was pushed to the side, and it would start to bother me.  Those little voices of pride and selfishness would set in.  

Boys with their Great-Granny

However, one of the great things about the Gospel is that the "my" is turned to "Thy."  Through this last month I have been reminded numerous times that when I am focused on "Thy will" and on what Christ has done, I rejoice in my circumstances.  I cannot think of a better place to be than sleeping in my grandparents' basement, fixing their meals, repeating my words at least two times, making my Granny sit still, listening to some new and some old stories, and doing laundry for 8 people.  Our kids bring them so much joy, and they have said that many times. 

My kids have benefited as well from this.  Many might think we are insane, moving our children from comfort, but I have already seen the benefits.  Ellie told me when I am old she is going to take care of me, like we are taking care of Granny and Grandad.  That meant so much, coming from her sweet little seven year-old heart.  It also meant she sees what we are doing for the special elderly in our life. 

Remembering what Christ did for me, moves me to do for my grandparents, children, and husband.  My joy in Christ urges me to be joyful in any circumstance.  I can't say it's always easy, but I will say it is always rewarding, whether it is spending 3 hours in urgent care with Grandad, or filling up Granny's weekly medicine container, I think of Christ.  I do because He did for me.  It's just that simple.

Take time every day to pause and pray, "Thy not my."

Juarez, Mexico 2012

The title of this blog might conjure up images of violence, drug lords, murder, etc.  Funny, how the media plays with our minds isn't it? Sure, it was one of the top ten most dangerous cities in the world in 2011, but so was St. Louis.  Most of us probably wouldn't think twice about heading to St. Louis, but Juarez, that's a different story.  Many probably think we are crazy for taking our children there.  Tom and I have talked many different times about how we would feel if something happened to us or our children while we were on a mission trip.  We have come to the conclusion that there would be no better way to die. If we go where we are called, it is for the sake of the Gospel.  Nothing on this earth, even our children, is ours.  God is sovereign.  There is so much peace in that. 

On with the story.  There is this great organization called Casas por Cristo.  You can learn more about Casas here.  We took a team of 9 and three of our kids to Juarez to build a house for a family in four days.  Our team leader who works for Casas was Justin Kirklin.  He was great in so many ways.  He clearly has a heart that has been transformed by Christ.  He made it known that we were not there to help end poverty or to build a better house for a family.  We were there to make the Gospel known, and to help connect church leaders in the area to families who so desperately need Christ.  None of the work is done without the help of local churches.  In fact the churches are the ones who find the families who are need of homes, and then connect them with Casas through a waiting list.

The family we built for was a family of 7.  The mother had the same name as me, Mary Elizabeth, except in Spanish of course.  She had five children,  including a baby that was 3 weeks old.  We learned before the build, that her husband was not a believer, and so we prayed as we built the house.
He stayed inside with the baby, but Maria stayed outside with her other children, and our team while we worked.  She played with my kids, she helped them hammer nails in wood scraps, and they built with left over wood pieces.  She brought out the toys they did have, and my kids played with hers.  There was no barrier.  They could not talk to each other because of the language difference, but they played together.  It was a beautiful thing to watch as a mother of young children.

I don't want my kids to be sheltered from the rest of the world, as we tend to do here in America.  I also do not want to instill fear in them.  I want them to see how God works all over the world, and how His love has no borders.  That is why we took our kids.  We did not take Owen.  We thought I would not be able to help with the building as much, with chasing after him. ( Thank you to Heather Barker, Sara Parker, Kylie and Ben Sexton, and Michelle Heath for watching him.)

Kelsey O'Dell speaks Spanish very well, and she was the one responsible for letting me hold the new baby.  Let me tell you, it was unlike anything I have ever felt before.  Sure, I have had my share of baby holding, but the flood of emotions I felt at that moment was great.  I felt a connection with Maria, as a mother, wife, and child of God.  I realized in that moment how much she needs God's grace daily, just like I do.  I could not communicate verbally with her, but I could feel God was connecting us.  It's really unexplainable.

As most of you know, the family gave us a puppy that we smuggled into the US.  We didn't try to hide her while crossing the border, Ellie just held her, and nothing was asked.  We took her to the vet and she is a healthy little puppy, about 6-8 weeks old.  We named her Ria, after Maria.  She reminds me daily of the family in Juarez, that we shared God's great love with. 

I could say so much more. I will say it was hard to come home.  I did miss Owen tremendously, but I can't explain how I felt.  Many would want to get back to our comfortable living here in the states, but God is teaching me daily, that my comfort is not what the Gospel is about.  It's about Him, and nothing else.