Flowers, Bibles, and Anniversaries

It's been a long time since I've blogged, and since my Grandad's passing, I have been itching to put my feelings into words.  I feel I have so much I want to remember, and so much I want my kids to be able to look back on someday, so blogging only seems logical.

We are grateful to be a part of a church that teaches truth and seeks to reach our community with that Truth.  Carson taught last Sunday, which happened to be the day after we buried my Grandad Harry. God used Carson to speak to my heart, which was heavy with grief and hope at the same time.  As my uncle would put it, my grief was informed by the Gospel.  This brings such great peace.  Peace that only God can provide when you lose someone you love so dearly.  My take away from Carson's teaching was I need to be still, and be in the word.   I love my bible app, and it is so convenient, but something Carson said stuck with me.  Basically that my phone, or ipad that I use to read the Word on can be distracting.  I will be drawn to check twitter, or email, or facebook.  Don't get me wrong, the You Version app is very convenient.

Well, Tom and I had discussed this and talked about how we fail to be still, or be in the Word at all.  I fail very, very often.  Seems my priorities are out of whack. It's ironic, and a total God thing that the day before this message, we buried my Grandad with his Bible that he preached from, read from, studied from, and wrote all over with his precious hands.

"Show me the condition of your Bible and I will accurately gauge the condition of your soul." AW Tozer

His priorities seemed to always be Christ first and foremost, and even in his death, God is using the life of my grandad to speak to my heart.

After church that day, I went home to browse our bookshelf of Bibles that we rarely open because of our handy dandy bible app.  I couldn't find the ESV bible I thought I had, but did find an NIV.  It was refreshing to read out of an actual bible, and I could block out distractions that I didn't realize were distractions before.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect, and still don't spend the amount of time I need with the Lord.  I just feel more sensitive to thinking about these things, and want to be able to point others to Christ, which can only happen when I am communing with Him.

So, today just happened to be our anniversary.  Fourteen years. Time flies when you're having fun! I've never been a fan of flowers for gifts.  I do love flowers and their beauty, but they don't last. They kind of depress me in a way, because they remind me of the sin in this world because they wither and die.  I have these roses from my Grandad's funeral/gravesite that are slowly withering away.  They remind me of my life without Christ. I can try my hardest to take care of them but I have no power to keep them alive.  Same applies to us, we can try till we cry, but only our Sovereign Father can transform and bring life.

I went to work as usual today, playing with toddlers, changing diapers, reading and singing to my babies.  When it was time for my lunch break, I went out to my car to go grab some lunch.  There in the driver's seat was a new ESV Bible.  Best anniversary gift ever, because unlike flowers, the Word is Truth, and Life.  I have to admit I cried.  My emotions were plenty, and more than anything I was grateful for Christ.  I'm so thankful that though life can be messy at times, and very chaotic, that God came to rescue me through Jesus his very own son.  Hard to wrap my mind around at times.  But I will take the Bible over flowers any day.  Marriage is hard, and I know I need to be still and have a heart after God more than all the flowers in the world.  Grateful for a husband who knows I need to meet with God, more than I need him.

Mother's Day...is NOT my favorite day...

Today was Mother's Day and I have to say I'm glad it's almost over.  Too much expectation is wrapped up in this silly day.  A day to honor moms, or is it?  I can say I am fortunate to attend a church where there was no "Mother's Day" sermon.  Jesus was made much of, and not the women in the church.  I believe that's the way it should be.  I'm pretty sure, Mother's Day is not biblical by any means, and most of the time we praise moms on this day, and then preach to dads on Father's Day on how they need to be better husbands, and dads.  Because the moms are so much better than the dads? Really?  Show me that scripture, please.

Honestly, I'm a horrible, terrible, wretched sinner of a mom.  I yell at my kids when my patience is thin, and I choose to clean the bathroom instead of play games with them.  I get frustrated with my daughter, when she can't decide what to wear, and I check the latest news on facebook instead of reading one more book to my boys.  I don't always ask for forgiveness, or fess up to my mistakes, especially when I've messed up in front of my kids.  That's a tough one for me.  I constantly feel like I need to do more, and be more as a mother, so this really isn't one of my favorite days.

I also know this is a hard day for those women who struggle with infertility, and for those who have lost their mothers or daughters.  It's also a difficult day for those who have strained relationships with their mothers.  Why in the world do we celebrate today?  Why do we put our self worth on the line?  We do we have to get our emotions so tied up into just a silly day?

The truth of the matter is I'm a sinner saved by grace.  Christ died for the sinful mother I am.  I don't get it all right.  Nothing, absolutely nothing I do as a mom or a daughter, can make me a better person or save me.  NOTHING.  Without Christ there is nothing.

Do you really grasp that? I'm not asking if you believe it.  I have believed it in my head, most of my life.  I have only grasped this concept within the last couple of years, and I still have trouble truly understanding how tremendous it is.  My self worth, and how I feel is can not be wrapped up in what others do for me, or how my children treat me.  If this is how I define myself, I have set myself up for failure.  I will never, never, measure up.  I will be let down.  Others will fail me.  That's life.  I have to reach for my Savior constantly to put my perspective in place.  He is the One, True, Constant.

True Love...There's Only One

Valentine's Day... My thoughts about this day have changed recently.  Don't get me wrong, I love my husband, but is it really a necessity to set aside one day a year to celebrate love?  Shouldn't that be our mindset every day?  (Most of my blogs consist of random thoughts in my head, so I apologize)

I'll preface this post to say, this week has been anything but lovely to me. My attitude and heart have not been lovely.  I have felt sorry for myself,  and been very selfish.   I have wanted my circumstances to change for my own benefit.  It has not been an easy week.  Today God stirred my heart, and not from a loving gesture from my husband.

Almost a year ago, we left Galloway Baptist Church where Tom was the student minister.  We had the privilege of meeting the sweet High family.  Two of their kids were in the youth group, and were very consistent in coming and bringing friends.  Abi loved on my kids, and enjoyed playing with them.  All this to say, that their mother, Terri, went to be with her True Love today.

At first, the thought of losing someone close to you on Valentine's Day, seems terrible.  I can't imagine, but sweet Abi posted on facebook about her mother being with Jesus on Valentine's Day.  It took me off guard, and the more I think about it, the more lovely it is.

Today on what the world calls "Valentine's Day," God reminded me that nothing in this world should consume my heart as much as my Savior.  N.O.T.H.I.N.G.  My selfish heart needs to daily be reminded of Christ and His love for me.  Without that there is no peace, no solace.  Without that I cannot love others.  Without that I will just feel sorry for myself, when my circumstances seem so blah. Thank you God, for speaking to me through Terri today.

Terri is with her Savior now, her one True Love.  No better day.

Our thoughts and prayers are with you High family.  We love you and wish so terribly that we could hug your necks.   Nothing in this world is pain free, not on this side of heaven.  We are not guaranteed that.  BUT, Jesus loves.  Jesus came. There's really nothing more to say.

All my love, sweet Abi, Ben, and Ken...

Forgiveness, something I need to ask for more often...

My oldest child, Ellie, is a strong-willed, leader.  She is so much like her daddy, and at times so much like me when I was little.  She loves to take care of people, which is I believe could be one of her spiritual gifts.  Ever since she was a toddler, she was taking care of her baby dolls.  I know Owen thinks of her as a second mommy, because she is so motherly with him.  I am so thankful for my sweet Ellie, and I wanted to document this story so I never forget it.

The morning started out like most, filling bowls of cereal, changing clothes, cleaning up spilt chocolate milk, starting a load of laundry, getting backpacks together, finding socks to wear, brushing teeth, cleaning up another milk spill, etc. You get my point, right?  The mornings are rarely peaceful times around our home, and usually Ellie is a morning person, but this particular morning she was very cranky.  Let me repeat, VERY CRANKY.

She couldn't decide what to wear to school, which set her back with fixing her hair.  When it was time to fix her hair, she wanted it curled, but I told her we did not have time since she took so long getting dressed.  This all escalates to tears and screaming.  A lovely way to start the day, right?  My blood pressure rises easily with Ellie.  I don't know what it is, but my fuse is short with her often.  It's something I pray about regularly.   I'm not proud of it,  and on this morning especially, God used her to humble me.  Keep reading.

Everything continued to be a struggle that morning.  Her hair would not cooperate, then she couldn't decide what she wanted to eat for breakfast.  This all just eats up the time before we have to head to the bus stop.  You've been here, right?  If you have kids, you know these mornings.  They often happen on Sundays. Ha. Now your with me.

We somehow managed to make it out the back door with everything she needed for school.  She buckled Owen in the stroller, and the twins got on their bikes.  We were ready for the trek to the bus stop.  I was feeling some relief, knowing we were on our way, and that she had made it out the door without tears.

As we started walking, Ellie said, "Mom, I'm sorry for the way I acted this morning.  Will you forgive me?"  I'm not sure my brain registered what she said right away.  I was a little taken aback.  She asked me to forgive her?  My little girl, was seeking forgiveness.  Right away I accepted her apology and proceeded to ask her to forgive me for being short with her, and losing my temper.  Moments like these are great ways to teach my kids about the Gospel and grace.  I did my best to remind her that we are not perfect, and Christ died for us, being the sinful people we are.  I did my best, trying to remember some of the things I read in, Give Them Grace. (A great, great book about disciplining with grace in mind, not just moralistic parenting.  I highly recommend it.)

I don't want to ever forget that morning.  It was humbling.  I should have been the one apologizing first.  I'm the adult, right?  We continued talking, and I confessed to her that I do not apologize like I should.  I told her I struggle with pride, and she said, "Yeah, Daddy apologizes more than you do."  Those words pierced me.  I know they are true, and confessing my wrongs to those around me is hard to do.  It comes easier for Tom, and he has taught me so much about seeking forgiveness.  I am so grateful that my kids have a Daddy that teaches them how to seek forgiveness, and demonstrates that openly with me and them.

I tell this story, like I said, so I will never forget it.  I am so thankful to God for my children, and the blessing they are to my life, especially mornings like this one in particular.  I get so excited seeing God at work in the lives of my kids.  I also love how he uses them to teach me.  Weird, right? Seems backwards, but God knew I needed the humbling from my pride.  I am so thankful for Christ, and his redeeming blood.  He made a way for me.  Thank you, Lord.









Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. -Ephesians 4:32

Grace Like Baths

Ellie took this pic.  She gave her a make-over and then had her pose. Ha!

As most of you know, we are living with my grandparents and are assisting them, when needed, around the house.  This past week, Granny was starting to look a little distraught, and I knew she hadn't had a bath in a while, so I just suggested we head to the bathroom to clean up.  I know I always feel ten times better after I have a shower, so I knew it would lift her spirits.  Grandad does his best to help her clean up, but it's not easy for him, so she doesn't get the privilege of taking baths very often.

We made it to the bathroom, and eventually to the seat in the bathtub.  I started showering her off, and she loved every minute of it.  She kept saying how good it felt.  It was a sweet time for me.  It was a role reversal.  I remember she used to be the one filling my bathtub, cleaning me off.  She still has the same bath toys on the side of the tub that I used to play with.  It seems like it was only yesterday really.  I thought about how she used to care for me, and now I am the one caring for her.

 It's like grace and the love God has for His children.  God showed His love for us by sending Jesus, and because of what He did on the cross for me I want to share that love with others.  The bath is coming full circle.  Granny did for me, and now I do for her.  Christ died for me, and I should die to self to live for Him.  It was a much needed reminder, and I love how God uses the everyday things, like baths to remind me of the grace He poured out on the cross. 

God also uses these sweet, tender moments to reassure me that living here is a part of His plan.  I can get so frustrated, and become so selfish, wanting my own place, that my mind gets clouded.  It's really very similar to a child pouting.  I start feeling sorry for myself.  It's so silly really, and I am so thankful God gives me these times to bring me back to reality.  This life is not about me.  I am not in control of it anyway, no matter how hard I try to control all my circumstances.  When my heart and mind are focused on Christ, all my petty wants don't seem to matter.  Christ should always be my heart's cry.  Maybe I need to give Granny a bath everyday.

Out of the mouths of babes...

Well, I haven't blogged in a while, and my little ones have been saying some remarkable things.  I thought I need to document some of these so I don't forget.  Kids often surprise us in the words that come out of their mouths.  Most of the time, they are blatantly honest.

This was a crazy car moment.  We have plenty of these moments as well! Ha!

The car is one place where our kids talk, and talk, and talk, and talk.  Did I mention they talk in the car?    We don't have a DVD player to entertain them while driving, so we often have great conversations.  Yesterday was one of those days.

It was Harry, Silas, Owen, and me.  As most of you know, Owen does most of the listening, so this conversation was between Silas, Harry, and me.  Their great-grandad Harry had just bought them Happy Meals, which is a treat around our house.  Grandad was not in the car with us, but he was the topic of conversation.  Those of you who know my grandad will appreciate this.

Me: "You know what you should tell Grandad for getting the happy meals for you?"

Harry:"Yes, we should tell him thank you."

Silas: " Ya, we should do that.  He is so nice.  I love Grandad.  I'm probably gonna cry when he dies."

It was a moment I wish I could have recorded.  Silas meant what he said with all his heart.  The love my little boy has in his heart is immense.  It amazes me how children think.

We continued to discuss how the toy in the happy meal would only be fun for a while, and then they would want a new toy.  I reminded them that our joy does not come from stuff, but from God.  The conversation was starting to get deep. Ha! I don't remember everything I said, but I do remember this...

Silas: " Well, we can't see God, but I still love him, and I know he exists."

I reaffirmed what he said, and talked about how we can see God through creation, etc.  I was just blown away by him using the word "exists." It was a great reminder to me also.  I love how the Holy Spirit uses moments like these to remind me that He is in control, and to remind me of the grace I have been freely given.

 I can see God working in the hearts of my kids.  I love it.  I love my kids bonding with their great-grandparents.  I love car conversations.

Thy not My

The past month has been filled with lots of emotions.  Moving is stressful enough, but on top of that, we have moved in with my grandparents, who require some assistance.  The first week we were here I spent taking Grandad to urgent care, taking Granny to the ER, and taking care of my sick husband.  Oh, and yes, I was also taking care of a few sick children.  I thought I might lose my mind.  Grandad ended up in the hospital with pneumonia, and Tom was sick up until he started his new job.  It was definitely a sick house, and I played nurse to the best of my ability.  So many times, my will and my agenda was pushed to the side, and it would start to bother me.  Those little voices of pride and selfishness would set in.  

Boys with their Great-Granny

However, one of the great things about the Gospel is that the "my" is turned to "Thy."  Through this last month I have been reminded numerous times that when I am focused on "Thy will" and on what Christ has done, I rejoice in my circumstances.  I cannot think of a better place to be than sleeping in my grandparents' basement, fixing their meals, repeating my words at least two times, making my Granny sit still, listening to some new and some old stories, and doing laundry for 8 people.  Our kids bring them so much joy, and they have said that many times. 

My kids have benefited as well from this.  Many might think we are insane, moving our children from comfort, but I have already seen the benefits.  Ellie told me when I am old she is going to take care of me, like we are taking care of Granny and Grandad.  That meant so much, coming from her sweet little seven year-old heart.  It also meant she sees what we are doing for the special elderly in our life. 

Remembering what Christ did for me, moves me to do for my grandparents, children, and husband.  My joy in Christ urges me to be joyful in any circumstance.  I can't say it's always easy, but I will say it is always rewarding, whether it is spending 3 hours in urgent care with Grandad, or filling up Granny's weekly medicine container, I think of Christ.  I do because He did for me.  It's just that simple.

Take time every day to pause and pray, "Thy not my."

Juarez, Mexico 2012

The title of this blog might conjure up images of violence, drug lords, murder, etc.  Funny, how the media plays with our minds isn't it? Sure, it was one of the top ten most dangerous cities in the world in 2011, but so was St. Louis.  Most of us probably wouldn't think twice about heading to St. Louis, but Juarez, that's a different story.  Many probably think we are crazy for taking our children there.  Tom and I have talked many different times about how we would feel if something happened to us or our children while we were on a mission trip.  We have come to the conclusion that there would be no better way to die. If we go where we are called, it is for the sake of the Gospel.  Nothing on this earth, even our children, is ours.  God is sovereign.  There is so much peace in that. 

On with the story.  There is this great organization called Casas por Cristo.  You can learn more about Casas here.  We took a team of 9 and three of our kids to Juarez to build a house for a family in four days.  Our team leader who works for Casas was Justin Kirklin.  He was great in so many ways.  He clearly has a heart that has been transformed by Christ.  He made it known that we were not there to help end poverty or to build a better house for a family.  We were there to make the Gospel known, and to help connect church leaders in the area to families who so desperately need Christ.  None of the work is done without the help of local churches.  In fact the churches are the ones who find the families who are need of homes, and then connect them with Casas through a waiting list.

The family we built for was a family of 7.  The mother had the same name as me, Mary Elizabeth, except in Spanish of course.  She had five children,  including a baby that was 3 weeks old.  We learned before the build, that her husband was not a believer, and so we prayed as we built the house.
He stayed inside with the baby, but Maria stayed outside with her other children, and our team while we worked.  She played with my kids, she helped them hammer nails in wood scraps, and they built with left over wood pieces.  She brought out the toys they did have, and my kids played with hers.  There was no barrier.  They could not talk to each other because of the language difference, but they played together.  It was a beautiful thing to watch as a mother of young children.

I don't want my kids to be sheltered from the rest of the world, as we tend to do here in America.  I also do not want to instill fear in them.  I want them to see how God works all over the world, and how His love has no borders.  That is why we took our kids.  We did not take Owen.  We thought I would not be able to help with the building as much, with chasing after him. ( Thank you to Heather Barker, Sara Parker, Kylie and Ben Sexton, and Michelle Heath for watching him.)

Kelsey O'Dell speaks Spanish very well, and she was the one responsible for letting me hold the new baby.  Let me tell you, it was unlike anything I have ever felt before.  Sure, I have had my share of baby holding, but the flood of emotions I felt at that moment was great.  I felt a connection with Maria, as a mother, wife, and child of God.  I realized in that moment how much she needs God's grace daily, just like I do.  I could not communicate verbally with her, but I could feel God was connecting us.  It's really unexplainable.

As most of you know, the family gave us a puppy that we smuggled into the US.  We didn't try to hide her while crossing the border, Ellie just held her, and nothing was asked.  We took her to the vet and she is a healthy little puppy, about 6-8 weeks old.  We named her Ria, after Maria.  She reminds me daily of the family in Juarez, that we shared God's great love with. 

I could say so much more. I will say it was hard to come home.  I did miss Owen tremendously, but I can't explain how I felt.  Many would want to get back to our comfortable living here in the states, but God is teaching me daily, that my comfort is not what the Gospel is about.  It's about Him, and nothing else.

Christmas Cards?

This was the first Christmas card.  To read the story go to www.victoriana.com/christmas/card1st-99.htm

So, lately I have been questioning the purpose of a lot of things.  I think we do things because other people do it, or because we have always done it, or because we just like to do it.  We also don't want to offend people so we just go along with the status quo.  Is that really how life should be lived?  SO much has been on our hearts this year.  We are seeing that life can be simplified, and God can be given the glory. 

One of those things I question the purpose of is Christmas Cards.  Some of you are thinking that it is kind, and you send them to show your friendship.  If we are honest, I think we do it because we feel like we have to.  That's not the way it should be.   I used to put a lot of time and effort into making my own cards, but looking back it was selfish.  I wanted others to think my card was so great, and it really glorified myself.  I love being crafty, but it was more than anything a waste of money.  I am realizing a lot of crafty projects are a waste of money, if the end result does not serve a purpose.  Sorry Pinterest addicts.  Let's face it, our money could go to something more, something greater. 

Being a mom of four, I really don't have time to sign our family name on a pretty card that is going to be thrown away, unless you are the crafty type who uses old Christmas cards.  Most all of the cards we receive just have a signature, and some are even pre-printed.  The photo cards, that I have even sent in the past, are just a way to show off our children, who by the way, are not perfect.  I can understand sending photos to relatives who live far away and who don't have facebook to see photos, but most people have facebook and already know what my children look like.

Now, if I did send out cards this year, I would definitely put time and effort into writing personalized notes in them.  That can be very encouraging, and there is purpose in that.  I am going to brag on my brother here.  Seth sent me the sweetest birthday card, that pretty much made me cry.  He personalized it.  The snoopy on the front was cute, but the most important part was his message.  I think that should be the purpose of cards.  

So, we are not sending out cards this year.  Sorry Dad, we are not supporting the USPS.  The money we would have spent has already went towards the World Vision gifts we bought for those in need and also to Lottie Moon.  Our friends already know we care about them and love them.  I hope I don't have to send out a card for them to know that.

Our Christmas has been extremely simple and stress free this year.  We do not have to go buy gifts.  When I go out to Walmart and see all the stuff I could be buying, I think about Christ, because I don't have to think about what gift I am going to buy for someone who doesn't need it anyway.  We are
not sending out Christmas cards.  No, we are not the Grinch family.  I'm sure many think we are crazy, or we are not showing love.  Think what you want.  We are just trying to bring purpose to Christmas, and not just talk about doing it.  It's not about tradition, it's not about stuff, it's not about us.  It's all about Him.

Love Under the Tree- A Radical Christmas

My husband has never been fond of Santa.  This has been an issue since we've been married.  He did not want to celebrate Santa with our kids.  This was hard for me.  I grew up waiting for Santa on Christmas Eve, and I just thought it was so much fun!  Well, it's been ten years, and I think I'm finally convinced.  The fun may have just been plain selfishness.  I think I gave too much time and energy to Santa and Rudolph.  I know many who are reading this are already yelling at me, but just keep reading.

Tom came to me about a month ago and told me that we should not do any gifts this year, even for the kids.  He handed me the World Vision gift catalog, and told me we should use our money to help others.  Okay, I'm not going to lie, at first I thought my kids would be totally devastated.  I felt bad for our kids.  I thought of them having to hear what everyone else got from Santa, and then they would have to say that Santa didn't come to their house.  Sad right??  What was sad was my way of thinking.  Really? Our kids need more toys? Our kids need stuff to satisfy?  What was I thinking?  Oh, that's right, I was thinking along the lines of the rest of our country, not about the Gospel.

I thought about all the Christmas presents Santa brought me when I was a kid.  At least I tried to.  I could not remember much about what I got.  I can remember being greatly upset when I did not get what I wanted.  I also tried to remember when I believed in Santa, and I can only remember when I figured Santa out.   I remembered that I enjoyed being with family the most.  My parents didn't have to get me the best gifts.  I know they spent way too much on us at Christmas.  I just loved being together.

We just finished reading Radical, by David Platt, in our growth group.  A great book, that will challenge you in many ways.  Well, I guess you could say we are going to have a radical Christmas.  We are going to turn our house upside down, and only put love under the tree.  We do have a tree up, and stockings hung.  We even have a train under our tree.  We just want our kids to see the needs of others, and learn from a young age that not everything is about them.  Hopefully, they will look back and learn something from Christmas.

So, we sat down as a family and talked about the gifts in the World Vision Catalog.  Tom and I told them that we were not getting presents for them or for other family members.  We picked out the gifts we wanted to give, and which family member the gift was in honor of.  This was a little confusing for Harry and Silas.  At first, I think they thought we were going to give rabbits and chickens to Grandma and Grandpa!  So, we made our list, and here it is.  We are giving seeds, chickens, rabbits, ducks, a goat, and a sheep.  All of these gifts will help provide food and/or clothes for someone.  They will help children and families in poverty. 

So, if anyone asks my kids what they want Santa to bring them, be prepared.  They are going to say that Santa is not coming to our house.  They will probably say a duck or a chicken.  Please don't feel sorry for my kids.  Please don't judge us.  If anything, I hope this moves others to think of those less fortunate.  Do we really need the latest iphone or ipad?  Do we really need to see our kids eyes light up?  Really?  Doesn't that just feed our own ego? Are our kids going to be better off because they have stuff or nice clothes?  Isn't the heart really the issue?  Christ should suffice.  (Do we really need that kitchenaid mixer?  Believe me, I have already thought about giving it up.)

It's getting more uncomfortable for Tom and I to live in this country.  I'm sure this surprises no one.  We are all too focused on self, our careers, our stuff, and even our families.  It's very discouraging at times.   During those discouraging times, I go to the Gospel and remember what Christ did for us.  I remember Him.  I'm not sure what God has in store for us.  I do know the Gospel is not about us and what we want or what our children want.  It is about Christ, His love, and His grace.  What can you do to put love under your tree this year?



“Radical obedience to Christ is not easy... It's not comfort, not health, not wealth, and not prosperity in this world. Radical obedience to Christ risks losing all these things. But in the end, such risk finds its reward in Christ. And he is more than enough for us.”
― David Platt, Radical: Taking Back Your Faith from the American Dream

Four is not enough....

Well, as some of you know, God has laid it on our hearts that we need more kids.  We have always talked about adoption and being foster parents, and now that is going to become a reality.  At the beginning of our marriage, I think we talked about being foster parents later in life, you know, when your nest is empty.  I don't think ours will ever be empty, because I believe God can use us and our home to house those in need.   We also have talked about adoption, and I believe we will adopt some day.

I'm sure those of you that have been to our house, our questioning this right now. We barely have room for the four we already have.  We have one extra bed, that someone needs to fill.  There is not need to put it off.  We can make excuses like we don't have enough money, or time, or space.  God does not say, do that when you feel comfortable doing that.  He clearly told us, NOW!  We have filled out the paper work with the Missouri Baptist Children's Home, and we start some classes next Monday.  We have decided to take on therapeutic foster care, which will be more challenging for all of us.  It will be a growing experience for me for sure!

We had the paper work for several months, and I put off filling it out.  You see this isn't the easiest thing in the world to do.  It is so much easier to talk about, then to put into action.  I could let myself worry about lots of different things like what if I can't handle the behaviors we might see, or how it could affect my kids, but that is not fully trusting in God.  God is sovereign, and His way is not always easy or comfortable, but it is the best way.  We can do this, and I know my children will be affected by this, but in a positive way.  They need to see us helping others in need.  I want them to know how to love others like Jesus did.

My biggest fear now is wanting to adopt everyone that comes in our home.  We will see, God will lead.  I am looking forward to the next 10 weeks though.  Every Monday will be date night for Tom and I, since we have to go to class together!

I plan on blogging about our journey as a family through these exciting times! Anyone with experience with foster care, feel free to give words of wisdom!

Over the last ten years...

Over the last ten years I have learned, and I am still learning...

10. that communication is extremely important in any relationship.

9.  how crucial it is to admit wrong and ask for forgiveness.

8.  to live in understanding and compassion with each other.

7.  that encouragement and support are a necessity.

6.  there will be disagreement and disappointment, the key is how you handle it.

5.  our lives need to be intertwined with Christ and what He did for us.

4.  to check Tom's pockets when doing the laundry( I've washed several checks).

3.  that being selfless is sometimes hard but you have to just do it.

2.  to be content with my circumstances and to rejoice always.

1.  that love is our life source.  It never fails.

Thank you Tom for the last ten years.  I love you so much and look forward to many more years together.  This journey has been so exciting, and I can't believe how much things have changed over the last ten years.  Our journey is far from over.  Love you Tommy!

Camping With the Crowe's

So, last weekend we went camping.  Here are a few highlights of our trip. 


1- The kids enjoyed peeing outside.  While this is nice because I don't have to clean pee off the floor, it was a little embarrassing when Silas peed off the porch when we got home.

2- It is great to get away from TV, phones, etc.  All we have is the great outdoors to play in.  The kids get exhausted from running around all day.

3-Tom got to take the boat out, and he took the kids fishing with him.  Harry was not so thrilled to be in the boat, while Silas really liked it.  I am always amazed at how different they really are.

4- We enjoy cooking on the campfire.  We made foil packs with meat and veggies, we roasted hot dogs, and we always have dessert.  We had smores, little pies, and banana boats (my personal favorite).

5- We used our new tent.  We discovered it is larger than our bedroom at home.  It is super nice and roomy.  We could have fit Dan and Mones in there with us!

6- In the middle of the night, Tom and I heard the sound of someone walking past our tent in the leaves.  I whispered to Tom to go see what or who it was.  He looked out the tent to see only a raccoon trying to get in our trash.

7-While putting on my shoe, something felt funny so I took it off and reached my hand in to take out the culprit.  I had a large spider in my hand when I pulled it out.  Spiders do not usually bother me, but  I was a little alarmed when that was what was in my shoe.

8- So, the kids wanted to fish. No one had had any luck catching anything all day.  We went to the marina to fish.  Silas decided to leave his Cars fishing pole alone to go pet a dog.  I am holding Owen, who had just fallen asleep.  I looked at his pole and thought to myself, I bet he looses his pole in the water when a fish bites it.  Sure enough, as soon as I yelled for Silas to get his pole,  it started to bob under.  I was the closest one to the pole.  With Owen in tow, I grabbed the pole and caught the fish, illegally I might add.  I did not have my license.  That was the only catch all weekend. 

9- We took the kids on a bike ride around the campgrounds.  Tom and I did not have our bikes, so we walked and pushed Owen in the stroller.  Ellie is having a hard time getting used to riding her bike.  We were going down hill, and Tom told Ellie to use her brake.  Of course she did not listen, and instead put her feet down to try to stop.  We watched her go all the way down the hill screaming for her daddy to help.  She screamed her way right into a tree, but managed to stay on the bike.  Let's just say it was a little more than dramatic.

10- We decided that the next time we go camping, we are going to stay longer.  We have to pack up too much stuff to only stay two nights. 

We had a great time,  and we really love to do it.  It is something we hope our kids will never forget.  Next destination, Disney World with the grandparents and Seth! 

Daddy

About a week ago, while I was helping Tom with dinner (yes, I said helping Tom, he is the best cook), he told me that he had been praying with Ellie when he takes her to school in the mornings.  He asks her what she wants to pray for, and it has become their little thing.  I just love watching the relationship that he has with her.  It is so tender and nurturing.

I have to admit, I felt a little guilty.  I know I don't pray enough with our kids.  We say the bedtime prayers and the mealtime prayers, but they can become so routine, that they are just words coming from our mouths.  I have been burdened about this, and have been wanting to be a better example of how to pray. I will come back to this in a moment. 

Yesterday, when Tom took Ellie to school, he had forgotten to pray for whatever reason, and when they got to school, Ellie said, "Daddy aren't we going to pray?" I think this really moved Tom, and showed him what an impact that he has on her.  I love, love, love, how Tom leads our family.

With that story in mind, last night in our growth group at our house, we talked about calling the Spirit, "Daddy."  It is such an intimate term, and something that I don't think about too often.  He is our daddy, or Abba.  When I think of the Holy Spirit in this way, I feel safe and at peace, just like a child who cries out for "Daddy." This study of the Holy Spirit is so moving to me.  I recommend Forgotten God, by Francis Chan.  http://www.forgottengod.com/
It will open your eyes to how we grieve the spirit, and how powerful the Spirit can be in our lives if we acknowledge Him.  It talks about how especially in our country, how much we do on our own, without seeking the Spirit and allowing Him to move.  This book might make you want to move to a different part of the world, kind of like the book Radical or the Bible for that matter. (another subject for another post)

Anyways, I am trying to make prayer time more meaningful, and I really want to teach my kids how to pray.  I want them to be genuine and honest.  I want them to pray for others that don't know God. I want them to pray for the Spirit to empower them.  We pray so often to heal this person, or help ME do this or that, etc. When was the last time you selflessly prayed for the spirit to move in your life? Try it.

Cakes and Valentines

Well, we have been busy lately.  We have been making valentines.  Yes, I said making valentines.  Ellie enjoyed making her own valentines, and the kids at school really loved them as well.  She wrote My heart melts for you on the girls valentines, and You color my world on the boys valentines.

 

Tom has decided to change his diet and eat healthier, which has motivated me to do the same.  I know I should, just to help and encourage him.  We both want to loose a few pounds before our family trip to Disney World in May.  I am so proud of him.  He really loves to cook, and even though it is more expensive to buy the healthier options, in the long run it is worth it.  The whole wheat pasta, bread, and tortillas really aren't that bad.  Our kids are turning their noses up to most of the food, but we know if we keep introducing the new foods, they will try them.  We do not give them other options.  They eat what is on their plate, or they don't.  Simple really.  
This eating healthy thing, does not mix well with all the baking I love to do.  I am trying to perfect my cake recipe.  I made a football cake for the superbowl, which turned out really yummy.

I also made red velvet whoopie pies for the first time.  They were fun to make.

So between Tom cooking, and me baking, we have joked about opening a restaurant.  We also think it would be fun to run a bed and breakfast somewhere.  Probably will never happen, but we would be great hosts I think.  It would have to be later in life, when all our little kiddos are out of the house.  Who knows where we will be then.  God will probably move us to another country.  

Speaking of food, we went out on Valentine's Day to Chili's.  We had gift cards to use, so it was a free date.  We try to save money whenever we can.  It is always good to go out alone.  We ended up talking about all of the valentine's days we have spent together.  Some we couldn't remember exactly what we did, and others stood out, like our White Castle date in 2005.  One thing is for sure, we both love each other more each day. So thank you Dan for watching our 4 children for an hour and half.  It was an hour and a half well spent. 

Ellie painting her valentine box.  We made a valentine backpack out of a cereal box.

Ellie opening her valentines at her party at school.

Ellie enjoying fun dip at her party.  She has some really sweet kids in her class.  The girl with the pink bow in the background also has twin brothers that are 3.  They were born in October 2007. I talked with her mom for a while.  She asked if I had problems potty training.  One of her twins does not want anything to do with potty training.   I think I gave her some hope, after talking about how hard it was for Harry.  If we hold the boys back, they will all be in the same grade.  I think that is super neat!

Snow Much Fun!

So, Ellie had 4 snow days this week, which called for some creative ideas to have some fun.  Here are some pics from our snow week. 

We brought snow inside to play with. 

We made snow ice cream.

It was very yummy.  We used mexican vanilla in it!

Puzzle time

Owen with his giraffe named Sophie

Sledding

Abby came too.

Starting to build the snow fort.

 We didn't quite finish it, but luckily there is more snow on the way!

Harry loves playing in the snow.